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  • Jessica Holfeltz

Sex {in the time of a pandemic} Part II



What kind of time have you BEEN ABLE to give to your relationship? Before you answer that question {keep thinking about it}, answer this question:


* What kind of time have you BEEN ABLE to give yourself? *


I ask this question first, because what we give to ourselves {and receive} can widen our capacity to share, give, and receive with/from our partner.


A helpful article by Tara Haelle offers a wonderful description of what our nervous system has been going through since March 2020. We have been in an on-going neurological ‘emergency response’ for months now, with little-to-no respite. Continuous news coverage of the infections, hospitalizations, and deaths of COVID-19, outbreaks, school closures, work changes, layoffs, ongoing fear and anxiety - all of this is a loss of normalcy, and what complicates this loss is that there is not really an end in sight. So, this is what we call ‘Ambiguous Loss.’


Thinking about and typing these words up in this post - I notice my upper-back, neck and arm muscles are tighter, my breathing is more shallow, and I feel a bit light-headed. I’m guessing if you checked in with your body, you’d notice some similar symptoms related to a stress response.

The physical tension you feel in your body isn’t just held in the muscles you’re aware of. Many studies suggest that the majority of our tension is held in our pelvic floor muscles, or perenial muscles. These muscles are basically in charge of urinary and fecal continence, erection and ejaculation in penis owners, holding sexual and reproductive organs in place in vagina owners. These muscles, when overly tight can be the culprits of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation as well as labial and vaginal pain with touch and/or penetration.


There are so many intricate layers of fear and trauma that can be leading to dysfunction and pain, sexually. It’s so important to get curious about and seek help when needed concerning symptoms you are experiencing. I highly recommend finding a certified sex therapist, these individuals have had rigorous training and education in sexual health and will be best equipped to help.




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